Sunday, April 24, 2005

The Gym

I was on a stationary bike at the gym today when I noticed Thom Yorke walking towards me in a white tracksuit. He wore lots of sweatbands, and looked like a gangster Bjorn Borg.

"Not again," I whispered under my breath.

Thom smiled and raised his sports drink up, as if toasting me. "Acceeeeeeeeeeeeelerade!" he declared. He seemed to be in a really good mood.

I nodded to acknolwedge his gesture and then turned up the volume on my iPod.

Thom climbed on an elliptical machine to my right. I could tell he didn't usually come to the gym. He turned the speed on his machine up way too high. He kept getting hit in the chest by the moving poles.

"I'm on a roooooooooolllll!" he exclaimed.

I felt really embarrassed for him, so I decided to try to help.

"Look Thom," I explained, "you've got to adjust the speed here. Like this. Otherwise you might hurt yourself."

"It's gonnna be a glooooooorious day!"

"Your welcome."

I decided I'd had enough of the machines and decided to put some time in the weight room. Luckily, there was no sign of Thom.

I went to the locker room and began to get changed. I heard strange chanting from the shower.

"I'll swaaaaallow till I burst! Uuuuuuuuuuntil I burst!"

With great trepidation, I walked to the entrance to the shower room. Thom Yorke was there, wearing a Union Jack speedo and swim goggles.

He was singing. "I will not cooooooontrol myself!"

When he saw me, he became really excited. He began running around the shower, turning on other faucets.

"I don't need a shower, Thom."

"Don't leave me drrrryyyyyyyyyyy!"

"I'm leaving now, Thom."

He began to pout. I hate it when he does that. He looks so sad and lonely.

"Look Thom," I said, against my better judgement, "want to come over to my place to play some Hungry Hungry Hippos?"

Thom began to do his shuffle dance.

"I have to warn you, one of the heads is broken off, so it will be an uneven match."

"Hiiiiiipos! Hungry, hungry hiiiiiipos!"

"All right, but you have to promise not to sing that song while we play."

There was a shriek and he was enveloped by the steam.

Like that, he was gone.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

laughed out loud X)

10:58 PM  

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